Hear me roar

Taco-flavored kisses

"She's pathologically afraid of balloons, and hates the word 'moist'. Thinks it sounds pornographic."

Also, a picture.

I took a few pictures. Here's one.

Care for some mysterious dancing forest creatures, anyone?

I was in Hawaii.


And now I'm not.



With my entire life and a whole world of limitless possibilities lying before me, and the life I've lived and countless blunders sitting passively behind me, still I do find myself lying awake at night with my mind racing, trying desperately to figure out what I am going to do with my time on this mortal coil.

The question itself is a thief, snatching time and mental energy from me before I notice anything missing. If there is an afterlife, an eternity, then does its existence not trivialize every action, every feeling we have now? I cannot accept that, so I prefer to believe that this time is most likely all I get.

Something has to change. Everything has to change.

Years ago, months ago, I feared change. Routine defined me: if I do not stray from its shelter, nothing can harm me.

But I will not have lived. And lately I find that I catch glimpses of another life, a better life where there is change, where the shelter has been cast aside. It feels like something I would want.

I want real jazz music, red wine, a place to call my own, a job, a degree. I want to travel.
I want long walks in autumn where, if only for a moment, I might feel at ease.

The comfortable routine claws at me, trying to hold me back. But I don't want it anymore. I've seen something better. Or at least something more interesting.

I don't know what I'm talking about.

Someone signed my email up for a David's Bridal newsletter.

And that is literally the only thing that has happened recently.

Awkward, how odd.

I stay up late and watch Jim Henson movies on youtube.
I make no effort at hiding my boredom around people who bore me.
On the other hand, I'm far too interested in people who interest me.
I permit myself to be engulfed in nostalgia.

I love the cold and cannot tolerate heat.
I take walks at night.

I can fake sincerity.
I analyze every trifle.
I indulge my obsessions.

I'm idealistic and naive.
I believe in love.
I trust.

You take a stroll into the morning sun,
You make a happy meal a portion for one;

You steal the wallet of a man with a gun,
You make this seem like a whole lot of fun -
Yeah you do;

You'll make new shapes with your hands on a wall,
You're driving a nail while you're taking a call,
You wouldn't care if you had nothing at all;
Instead of chasing a dream,
You're just chasing a ball -
Yeah you are;

You're just dodging all the friendly fire,
You're never dressed in the right attire,
You miss the start of every game -
You're my flame

You make hay when the sun don't shine,
You don't need a dollar, you don't need a dime,
You burn at both ends and still you're fine -
You're my flame


Teach me to haggle,
I'll teach you to swim;
Get right back on the saddle,
Push me on a swing;

Take me to Rio,
I'll take you to Berlin;
I'll give you some yarn,
And you'll give it some spin -
Yes you will

Now you're sitting sure, yes, in an old tree,
You've tied our legs, and so now we have three;
You'll dip your toes into the ice cold sea,
I see your reflection, your reflection is me -
Yes I am

You're just dodging all the friendly fire,
You're never dressed in the right attire,
You miss the start of every game -
You're my flame

You make hay when the sun don't shine,
You don't need a dollar, you don't need a dime,
You burn at both ends, yet still you're fine -
You're my flame

Finals, finals, finals.


Calm as still water.

Fall break was dull. I'm not looking forward to finals, but strangely I'm not looking forward to winter break either. I just want to knock down these intro classes so I can leave Peoria and go do something interesting.

I kind of want to be a live DJ. Actually, I'd really like that. But I am a prospectless psych student and I lack the funds to do silly things like "chase my dreams."

I'm only about half as bitter as I sound.